Jamaica and Japan – Relationship Priorities

Greetings to all Jamaipanese.com readers! I’m Sachiyo Morimoto, aka Miss Chin, a Japanese author who resides in Jamaica since late last year. I am privileged to write a guest post for Jamaipanese.com today. Hear mi weh Miss Chin seh!

Last week, I wrote about the difference in priorities between Jamaicans and Japanese when we choose our mates. At that time, all the Jamaicans I’d spoke with said they value sex the most in romantic relationships. That situation seems to be changing though, as my poll survey at my blog (it’s left top on my page) is starting to tell a different story. Since my first post on the issue, I’ve received some feedback from my Jamaican readers too. Some say they value different things other than sex. Some say they value sex. So it seems to not be as simple as I thought at first.

love-relationship

The General Japanese way of Thinking

Generally (but not all of them), Japanese tend to value a person’s character and personality the most when we choose a mate.  Click here to see the results of different surveys which were conducted in Japan and there is no one who answered “sex”. Its possible the  reasons are;

  • Japanese are not as sexual as Jamaicans.
  • Japanese know we cannot have sex forever, or when we value sex the most, we might fall into the wrong kind of relationship.

Please note. Japanese also like sex and think sex is important, but at least it is not likely to become their top priority.

Imagine and Choose

Just imagine there are two men/women. “A” is someone you can have a great sex with. But he/she doesn’t fit you in terms of character and doesn’t share similar values with you. So you are not so happy with him/her, except for when you have sex with him/her. Another is “B”, who is someone you can have a considerate good sex, but it’s not like best or great. He/She has a great character and shares similar values with you. So you are happy and comfortable with the person most of the time. Which do you choose, “A” or “B”, or “BOTH”?

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The choices we make

I don’t think we all have to live with one partner. If you want to live in an open relationship, that’s fine. It’s your choice, but remember, when you have multiple partners, you have to allow your partners to have multiple partners too. An old proverb states “What is good for the goose is good for the gander”. More question surface, if you choose your partner in terms of sex, do you leave the person when he/she cannot satisfy your need? Or you try to find someone else beside your partner to satisfy your sexual need?

Performance Obsession

I hear many Jamaican men worry about their sexual performance. Well, we all care about it to some extent. But look how many tonics are there in Jamaica, which are said to stimulate your sexual performance. It seems that they value sex too much and they are choking their own necks!

When I think about the importance of sex in Jamaica, sometimes I wonder if it’s because of its unstable social condition, historically unstable family structure and human relationships; people value sex with the knowledge that it’s not forever, but to enjoy right now with this moment. Many Jamaicans might not believe there is something “forever” that is how I feel.

Yes, there is nothing “forever” or “eternal” in this world. It’s the decision to maintain something for a long time, and it requires constant effort. So your priority in relationship seems to reflect your attitude towards life. What do you think?

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I like to stick to “one-pot soup with one banner” kind of relationship, which needs a lot of cooking time but its taste become close to my taste eventually. I put many seasonings, vegetables, fish or meat in it, and stir, wait and enjoy the cooking. Sometimes I might add a little spice to season it up.

Share your opinion

Different people have different tastes. I know that Jamaipanese.com readers are from all over the world, but let me hear your opinion in the comments below. What do you value the most in a romantic relationship? If you are Jamaican, please vote in the poll on my website. It’s completely anonymous, and let’s see the results together.

http://mightymules.blogspot.com/

[girl]

EDIT [ Oct 28 2009]

Hi, all! Thanks for your comments. I wrote a follow-up post on this topic. Please check my website by clicking here.

Note from Jamaipanese

I met Sachiyosan earlier this year and bought a copy of her book about gender and sexuality in Jamaica. Since then we have become good friends. She shares her experiences growing up in rural Japan and is always willing to answer my questions about Japanese culture or any Japan related matter. I am impressed by how approachable and honest she is and also do my best to answer any questions she has about Jamaica as she goes about her new life living and working here.

18 thoughts on “Jamaica and Japan – Relationship Priorities

  1. To answer your question between “A” or “B” or “BOTH”, I’d have to say that “B” would be my answer 100% percent of the time. Character, personality, and general compatibility come way ahead of anything else. Yes, romancing in a relationship is important and essential, but in terms of choosing a life partner, it would be hard for me to neglect these things and place sexual desires as my primary objective.

    Having someone to talk “real” with is a must. I need that person who’ll laugh at my dumb jokes or punch me in the shoulder to work harder or get angry at me when I’m being forgetful.

    A relationship is full of many segments and needs to be as well rounded as possible. It will never be perfect, we know that, but every segment needs attention.

    I am Canadian…

  2. I’m an American living in Japan for 12 years now. I speak and read Japanese reasonably well. I can say that based on advertisements in the weekly magazines and the number of pharmacies that sell herbal potency pills, turtle blood potency pills and that Viagra can be bought over the counter here, there is no shortage of a market for potency aids in Japan. There are hundreds of books for men, women or couples about sex techniques and magazine articles as well.

    As far as casual sex goes there is plenty of that going on here as well according to all my friends (I’m married and respect my wife so I wouldnt know). Its pretty common here to find massage parlor type businesses in any city and there are magazines published as guides to these places as well. Lets not forget the katakana Engrish phrase “se-fure” meaning “sex friend,” as in someone who is only for a booty call, which is used by men and women equally.

    Of course this is a little odd since Japan always rates near or at the bottom of sex frequency surveys by country (see the durex.com website or the chart here http://lactose.typepad.com/dudeland/2007/09/frequency-of-ha.html). No big surprise that Japan introduced the world to the idea of “sexless couples”.

    BTW the “unstable family structures” comment comes off like a back handed superiority complex. Not saying thats what the author is doing but there sure is alot of that here in Japan, the idea that Japanese culture is superior to all others in all ways. Anyway the historical low divorce rates in Japan have changed as women’s earning potentials have gone up. I know plenty of adults in their 30s and older who are on their second or third marriages here. I dont think this is a reason for the Japanese relatively lower interest in sex.

    If anything I think the reasons have to do with the general relative passivity of Japanese relative to Western countries. I’m not just talking about machismo, but for example: boys in Jamaica and the US and most European countries are raised to be encouraged to go talk to girls and if one girl turns them down to try again with the next girl. Almost all my male Japanese friends and coworkers find that idea completely alien. When I go to dances here its boys in groups together and girls in groups together. I’ve never seen a boy break out of his group and go to try and get a girl to dance with him.

    I’m not saying one way is better or worse, just that they are different. Obviously the Japanese cultural way works or there wouldnt be a Japanese culture at all. Unless men and women got together and had sex there wouldnt be another generation (oh wait… the population here is declining…) Similarly the Jamaican way works for them, there are plenty of good strong families raising their children by local custom.

    Finally I think this post is more about the author’s own attitudes. If you think nothing is eternal then thats what you get out of life in every way. Its a very Japanese way of thinking. The Jews, Christians and Muslims of the West usually see certain things as permanent and eternal. Cultural difference again.

    1. I would just like to thank Chris for his comment. I feel you did an awesome job defending Jamaica and correcting the mistakes of this blog, which as a born and raised Jamaican, really irritated me. The authors derogatory comment about Jamaica having an ‘unstable family structure’ and valuing sex above the matters of emotional attraction was very biased, not to mention denouncing and lacking of truth. As long as I have been in Jamaica (which would be most my life, since I’m currently in America) nearly every person I have come in contact with has a very strong family that would do anything for their love ones no matter the cost. Sure there are those whose family has it rough, however, living in America has shown me that Jamaicans are not the only ones, so the author should be a little bit more impartial when stating such facts. [pole]

      Over the years I have become enamoured with the Japanese culture [japan] , studying and learning more and more everyday about the culture, therfore, it would be very heartbreaking to discover that this is the perspective all Japanese have about my culture.

      Anyway, as I said before, thank you and God bless.
      (wow I wrote a novel, huh? [smile] )

  3. I agree on the premise that nothing is forever. There has to be an attraction beyond the mere looks. I find smart and funny women very sexy.

    Great post and greetings from Slovenia, Europe.

    Cheers! [love]

  4. I’m going to go with option B. Great sex is great… but sexual desire and libido decline after a while. There has to be something to fall back on, and if you and your partner can’t get along as people, then once that sexual attraction is gone the relationship will dissolve.

    Also, judging on how most US entertainment portrays dumb blondes as good for nothing but a quick lay, I think the general opinion is that women with great bodies but nothing in their heads are good for sex, but not a long term relationship.

    ~From the USA, living in Singapore

  5. Sincerely… this is interesting finding. That is the importance of doing a survey, always you will get challenging results.

  6. i think it’s very unfair for you to try to paint such a broad stroke, without going into more detail….If all the Jamaicans that you spoke with said they value sex the most in romantic relationships then you should strongly re-evaluate the kinds of Jamaicans you associate yourself with especially if –ALL– of them share this view, the same goes for your inverted point of view when you said that Japanese tend to be the opposite……..For alot of people irregardless of their cultural difference the qualities and reason that make them choose one partner over another runs the gamut.

    You should rephrase you thoughts from “When you think about the importance of sex to Jamaican” to something more fair and balance to “When you think about the importants that Jamaican’s you know placed on sex”……because for people who may not be knowledgeable about Black people or Jamaicans in generally you’ll inadvertanly give them a very warped idea of how these people are……. we already cope with enough negative stereotypes as it is, so please stop consciously and subconsciously spreading the idea that we are Sex craving beings above anything else, based solely on the sample of “Jamaican’s that -YOU- know”…
    For we are as diverse in our values and preference as you or any-other group of people are……..

  7. dwayne2d3d’s point is even stronger considering that this is the image that black people of all nationalities are often portrayed like this in Japan. Morimoto-san seems aware of this from her review of Black Passenger Yellow Cabs on her blog, so why further this image any further?

  8. I’d go with option “B”, if you really want to you can make the sex just as great with that partner although you might need to work on it.

  9. I just wanted to chime in that I agree 100% with Chris’s comments and can back up his assertions. The Japanese have by far the largest porn production/consumption per capita. I can’t say I know a whole lot about Jamaica, but the image that the author seems to be painting here of Japanese perceptions is more how many Japanese wish to see their society rather than how it actually is. Granted, as I read this I haven’t read her follow-up, but it seems that what the article on this site is lacking is a balanced view of both sides.

    Not to say that there aren’t social factors to take into consideration. Obviously, the disparate economies of the two nations plays a factor. However, saying that “unstable family structures” create this type of sexual libido seems to make as much as sense as saying suicide rates in Japan are high because trains are too crowded.

  10. A super big, huge, humongous, gigantic thank you to everyone who gave their opinion and participated in the discussion and those who will join in and continue to do so.

    Personally as a Jamaican compatibility and similar interests is very important to me.

    I can see where Morimotosan is coming from though and her understanding of Jamaica is growing each day as she experiences the people and culture fist hand. She has only been here for a year but her learning experiences will continue. She made an excellent followup post on her blog that I will edit the post above and link to.

    http://mightymules.blogspot.com/2009/10/priority-in-romantic-relationship.html

  11. Hrmmm Sex, Japan, and Jamaica. Well I have to say that I don’t know from the Jamaican perspective but from my own experiences in Japan, there is almost too much sex to go around sometimes at least for foreigners. It gets so ridiculous that you are forced to raise your standards. When you leave Japan and deal with Japanese girls abroad, the sex parade pretty much comes to an end. But while in Japan, you can fornicate yourself silly. But you will get weak and never be able to leave. This applies to men who are highly sexually active. Leaving Japan is almost impossible because so many cute women line up.

    I don’t really care about if a girl is compatible with my interests or not, but I guess many guys do. I just care if the girl looks good and that is my main problem with Japan. So many women aren’t attractive to me. I had to increase my standards and look beyond just physical appearances only AFTER I had done so much damage to the frail egos of many a Japanese girl. And yes I am paying for my mistakes, but you live and you learn. [evil] So I hope that puts some things into perspective from a veteran point of view.

  12. Sex is great for most jaamicansbut the family structure ,connections even colour and class counts equally.Just imagine if every student should have sex every damn day or night,then they would not pass their exams so well. And people at church would not focus on God if evrrything was sex in Jamaica.

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